


All I Have

by flightoftheseraph



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Confused Jack Kline, Depression, Dissociation, Episode: s14e10 Nihilism, Gen, Hurt Jack Kline, Scared Jack Kline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-21 13:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17643335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightoftheseraph/pseuds/flightoftheseraph
Summary: Despite saving the day, Jack is already side effects of burning off a piece of his soul and he struggles to deal with the aftermath on his own. (Coda for 14.11 Nihilism)





	All I Have

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't help but write this after watching Nihilism because I'm so worried about Jack and I have a feeling even though he only burned a bit of his soul, he would already feel the effects of its loss (I am just super worried about his poor soul :( ) 
> 
>  
> 
> The title is taken from this quote by Jack from Tombstone  
>  _“No, you don't… Every time I try and do something good, people get hurt. I thought I was getting better. I'm not… I don't know what I am, but I know I can't make the world a better place, not like this. I can't even do one good thing. And I know that if I stay, I'm gonna hurt you. All of you. And… I can't. **You're all I have.”** \- **Jack, 13.06 Tombstone.**_

Jack slumped against the side of the wall. The vampires and werewolves had turned into a pillar of dust and ash. He’d done it, he’d saved everyone. Then why did he feel empty?

After several seconds, Jack picked himself off the floor. Maggie rushed to his side and helped him up. 

“Are you okay?” She said her eyes wild with worry and fear, Jack brushed her off after he got to his feet and stumped a bit. He felt rude for pushing her away, but the feeling quickly passed and he wasn’t unsure if he liked that or not.

Sam awoke from where he sat, Jack wanted to make sure he and Castiel were okay. He turned to Michael bristling and preparing for a fight, already preparing to charge his powers up for one final stand but he was greeted with Dean’s confused eyes. He had learned to recognize the light behind Dean’s eyes, a light that was devoid Michael’s

Dean held his head in pain and winced as Castiel blinked his eyes open and rushed to Dean’s side to remove the electrodes, “Michael is not defeated, only subdued,” Jack didn’t understand what that meant.

“Michael is trapped in my head, I’m going to hold him for now, until we can find another place to trap him,” Dean said, Jack nodded at that but his heart was confident. Dean was strong, he knew that. 

Michael wasn’t a danger because Dean would hold him back and they would figure something out like they always did. 

Jack took that moment as Castiel was removed the electrodes from Sam’s head and he quickly left the library. He knew there would be questions over how those monsters had vanished and he didn’t want to answer those questions right now.

As Jack rushed to his room there was wetness running from his nose and he wiped it with the back of his hand and wiped it on his pants. He rushed to his room and shut the door, he wiped his bleeding nose with a tissue and held it there until the bleeding stopped. Jack was pacing his room and he didn’t know what to do or what to think. 

Something was making his heart pound. Terror? Confusion? Horror? He didn’t know why, but something was missing. Jack wasn’t quite sure what. 

He didn’t feel bad for using his powers , for endangering himself and he was horrified to find he didn’t feel much joy over having saved everyone. He _had_ in the moment but now there was a hollowness that was...scary.

Lily’s magic had consumed a piece of his soul. A piece of him that made _him._ He wouldn’t be able to get that back. It was gone for forever now, but he had saved everyone. He would have died and so would have everyone else had he not used his powers. 

Did he do something wrong? He had stopped Michael’s monsters and saved his family. That would good he reminded himself. What he did was _good_. He repeated it over and over again to reassure himself. 

Castiel knocks on his door and Jack's heart sinks. He knows he's in trouble and he swallows and prepares for the conversation. They sit in the kitchen and Jack keeps his eyes downcast as that empty pit of apathy claws from his stomach.

He listens as Castiel talks about how worried he is, how important and vital his soul his. Jack doesn’t argue or say much. The hollow feeling making his stomach turn. But he did his best to assure Castiel that he wouldn’t use his soul again. Because he wouldn’t and he would be okay, he felt off, but it would go away. He knew it would. 

But he would be okay, it was only a tiny piece of his soul. 

And he wouldn’t do it again. He _wouldn’t. He assured Castiel_

Jack climbed into his bed and pulled the covers until he was shrouded darkness and repeated to himself that he was good and did something good. His mother would be proud of him because he has chosen to be good, even if it meant he had to make a big sacrifice.

He thought back to running away when he had hurt his family. That moment made his heart hurt, he didn't want them to be hurt. He remembered feeling lost, he tried to help and he hurt people but now he helped his people and no one got hurt. No one but him.

As Jack closed his and hugged himself and ran his hands through his hair. He would be okay, he was good, he had done something good and it would all be okay. Because he had done something _good_. 

And that meant he hadn’t done something bad. Jack didn’t know what to think but he was exhausted and he just wanted to rest. 

Jack pulls the covers tighter and turns off his bedside table lamp with a loud click. He’s exhausted from the past of the days and he quickly falls asleep. 

 

 

 


End file.
